Interviewer: Monika Midura

In “Simona Kossak”, you played the biologist’s older sister, Gloria – a controversial, one could even say tragic, character. Was that challenging?
When playing the role of a real person, an actor is burdened with a different responsibility than when creating a fictional character. It’s someone’s real story, so you have to convey it as truthfully as possible. Moreover, this was the first time I played an outright dark character. I will never get to know Gloria Kossak, but from what I’ve learned, she was a difficult person and a terrible sister. I had to confront that. I imagined what it would be like to be horrible to your loved ones, and at one point, I realised I was becoming unpleasant to Agata Kulesza [who plays Elżbieta Kossak, the mother of Gloria and Simona – editor’s note] and Sandra Drzymalska [Simona Kossak – editor’s note] and sitting together in the camper stopped being enjoyable. [laughter] When I was in costume, something seemed to take over me. So, on set, I kept to myself and stayed in a gloomy mood, even though I don’t usually like venturing into such territory. Another strange moment happened in the make-up room, where I started wondering what I might have in common with Gloria Kossak. I decided to look up some information online, and only then did I notice that we have the same birthday. The power of this character is also shown in the film’s reception. Even though the role is episodic, after the screening in Gdynia, many people approached me wanting to talk about her, something that has never happened after any of my smaller performances. I also needed a lot of time to distance myself from Gloria.

Do you sympathise with your character? Although she had a talent for painting and was the more brilliant, prettier sister, it seems that Simona triumphed in life, while Gloria got lost. 
To play someone, you have to try to understand them. Even if they did terrible things, you have to figure out why. Gloria Kossak had a difficult childhood and a mother who treated her daughters badly. It was impossible to leave a home like that unscathed. Each of the sisters found a different way of coping with that oppression. Simona escaped into the world of animals, while Gloria shut herself off from emotions and put on a mask. I think the harm she caused came from her own weakness. Although she tried to project an image of a bold, admired woman, triumphant in car rallies, she probably never faced her own demons.

Simona Kossak lived in the wilderness, and Gloria Kossak also surrounded herself with animals. How does Marianna Zydek connect with nature?
There’s definitely not enough of it in my life. Fortunately, I live in a green area, and when I have time, I go for long walks with my dog. Animals fascinate me. I have a cat who came to me on set, and I took her home, even though I never used to like cats. I really like her character and that she doesn’t let the dog dominate her. She’s also a great hot water bottle. [laughter] Because of my profession, I always have a whole range of emotions at my disposal, even in my personal life. When I feel overwhelmed, I look at her and admire how calm she is.

And your dog?
He teaches me responsibility. It’s a bit like having a child. I can’t take him everywhere, and I have to remember to walk him. I can see he needs the relationship with me. When I give him too little attention, he gets upset, barks more. Yesterday we went for a long walk and played together, so today he’s behaving differently. Looking at him, I realise we’re animals too. We’re governed by similar instincts, though we sometimes forget it.

You also get along well with people. You need it for your job as an actor but also for your side job – organising and hosting meetings with filmmakers at SPATiF. Have you always liked taking the initiative?
I think so. In my French-speaking middle school, I managed to convince half my class to take part in a theatre competition. I really wanted our performance to succeed, and at times I pursued that goal at all costs. I later learned that it’s not always worth it. The groups I led won those competitions, which was nice, but my work on those projects always came with a lot of stress. The Thursdays at SPATiF were similar. At first, the meetings were held weekly, and now I don’t know how I managed that. After all, I had to invite a guest, create a programme. Now, I improvise more, but back then, I would prepare for a long time because I wanted the talks to go perfectly. It was incredibly stressful. Now, we meet at SPATiF once a month.

What do these meetings give you?
When I was applying to college, I thought actors would have more control. After all, I had taken part in theatre competitions where we directed our own performances. So I was a bit disappointed when I realised that the trajectory of my career depended less on my efforts and more on how others perceived me and what opportunities they would offer. Thursdays at SPATiF were not my idea, but a proposal that filled the gap created by this clash with reality. I can decide what the meetings look like, which guests I invite and how the discussions go. I appreciate that apart from my profession, I have something else that gives me a sense of fulfillment.

You mentioned a French-speaking secondary school, and in one of your interviews, you also said that foreign languages are a passion of yours, alongside acting...
I attended a middle school where French was the medium of instruction, and then took a Spanish class in high school. I didn’t enjoy spending hours with books, but languages came easily to me, so these choices gave me more time for other things. When I picked that middle school, I hadn’t yet realised that learning French would open doors to a new level of communication with so many people. I realised this quickly, during my first exchange trip to France. Here’s another example from a different language. Once, while hiking in Spain with a friend on the Camino de Santiago, we took a break, it was really hot. An elderly woman passed by, smiled, and spoke to us in Spanish, and we responded. We started talking, and she invited us into her home, made breakfast, served coffee, showed us family photos, and shared her world with us. If we hadn’t spoken her language, we would’ve missed that experience. That, to me, is most precious.

During the film Thursdays at SPATiF, you watch the debuts of directors and actors alongside the creators and the audience, then discuss them. It’s been 10 years since your first role in a film. How has your acting evolved?
Thanks to extensive practice, I now possess greater freedom and a variety of tools that I can utilise at any moment. Unfortunately, I feel that at some point, I also became a bit lazy. When I watch scenes I’m not satisfied with, I tend to blame myself for not consistently working on my craft. I know that some actors can easily take on extreme characters, using various forms of physical expression. My acting is based on something else – conveying emotions as authentically as possible. I intend to explore this highly technical aspect of the acting profession, which makes me happy.

So how do you prepare for a role?
First and foremost, it involves a lot of procrastination. [laughter] Sometimes I feel like I’m giving birth to a role; I carry it within me and nurture it with context. I read that Meryl Streep walks around her house, saying lines in the character’s voice while simultaneously performing their movements. For me, the process of digesting the role in my mind takes the longest. I first try to understand the character, and only then do I fully immerse myself in it. Sometimes, I postpone this until the last moment – that is until I feel that a lot of elements are already inside me and that it’s about to click. I truly become my character only when I step onto the set in costume. That’s when I gain the most insight. When I see myself transformed, I feel that my body responds differently as well. This, in turn, triggers emotions and everything else.

Which role are you most proud of?
I’ve had a few small roles that I really like. For example, the character in the short film “The Bread Queen”, made by the director-set designer duo, Maciek Miloch and Natalia Mleczak. I like it because I had the opportunity to play an absolutely twisted character and to enter a world invented by someone. My favorite short is “Thursday”, directed by Bren Cukier, available on the Nowness platform, among others. It is a film that subtly talks about the abortion situation in Poland. When it comes to the full-length films, I still like my role in “Kamerdyner” [“The Butler”, editor’s note] because I think the whole picture is coherent and moving. Of course, I am waiting for new challenges. I would really like to play a role that will require me to work with new tools and to play someone different than myself.

And the most demanding role?
My debut in a feature film. I guess it’s about emotions. When I was standing on the set of “Panie Dulskie” [“The Dulska Ladies”, editor’s note] and I knew that in a moment I would have the first shot in my life that would be shown on the big screen, my voice was trembling and I was shaking all over, even though it was a small role. I was supposed to play sleepy, but I was tense. I think that the experiences that accompany an actor when making their first films are unique, which is why “Panie Dulskie” and “Kamerdyner” are two titles
that will be unmatched for me in this respect. Although... who knows what else will happen to me. As I said before, I would really like to play in a Western.

You are more involved in film than in theatre. You studied at the Film School in Łódź. Did you know that you wanted to go into cinema when you were choosing a school?
I always thought about acting in films. At the same time, however, I dreamed of studying at the Theatre Academy in Warsaw, where I didn’t get in. Łódź accepted me the first time, and it was a completely new direction, which I appreciate in retrospect. I think that if I had gone to a strictly theatre school, my career could have turned out differently. Working in theatre involves leading a completely different lifestyle. When you are a full-time employee, you have rehearsals and performances almost every day. That means repeating texts and scenes many times. I definitely prefer to have new roles, places, and new people in front of me all the time. I need to feel adrenaline all the time. I also like the fact that when I finish a film, I usually have some time that I can use to rest and do other things. I wouldn't be able to go straight from the film set to a performance like some do.

Is there anyone from the world of film and theatre whom you admire?
These are young names: Kasia Warzecha and Elżbieta Benkowska. First of all, these directors make good films about important issues. They know why they create. Secondly, they are the ones who brought about a big change in our environment – I mean royalties for film artists. They had the courage to demand them, and a lot of people followed them. I am very impressed by that. When I look at them, I know that the Polish film industry is in good hands.